Wikipedia:Peer review/Borobudur/archive1 - Wikipedia
I have made some major modifications, adding citations, regrouping of this magnificent monument. Now, it's time to have outside reviews. Please take a look and I will be very glad to receive critics, comments and/or suggestions. — Indon (reply) — 11:31, 27 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
My 2 cents:
- "...platforms—on top are three circular platforms while the rest are square—and decorated..." You may want to rethink your usage of these dashes. Although it is reasonably correct, one should link the two ideas with a colon or parathenseses (Chicago Manual of Style.) I suggest that you break them up into different sentences.
- "...decorated with 2,672 relief panels and 504 Buddha." I don't understand, 504 Buddha what? If you're trying to say 504 Buddha panels, then you would say, "...decorated with 504 Buddha and 2,672 relief panels."
- "...2,672 relief panels and 504 Buddha." You may want to cite a source here.
- "A main dome is located in the middle of the top platform surrounded by 72 perforated stupas, each containing one sitting Buddha statue." This is a run-on, seperate it into: "A main dome is located at the center of the top platform. It is surrounded by 72 perforated stupas, each containing one sitting Buddha statue."
- "...starts at the base..." To keep flow, I suggest you say "...begins at the base..."
- "...circumambulating the monument while ascending to the top in three levels of Buddhist cosmology: Kamadhatu (the world of desire), Rupadhatu (the world of forms) and Arupadhatu (the world of formless)." Clause-induced run-on. Say "The pilgrims follow a path circumambulating the structure." Note: I didn't understand where you were going with the last clause, so fix that up as best as you can.
- "Evidence suggests Borobudur was abandoned following the fourteenth century decline of Buddhist and Hindu kingdoms in Java..." Citation please.
- "It was re-discovered" No hyphen here.
- "Indonesian government" Link this to Government of Indonesia.
- "Since 1991, Borobudur has been listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Borobudur is still used for pilgrimage and is also a major tourist attraction." Cite sources for both. The UNESCO one shouldn't be difficult to find, the "major tourist attraction" on pushes on WP:PEACOCK.
- "temples are known as candi" Get IPA for this, or do you know how many students are going to say they're called "cayn-dee," which they aren't. Look, although Wikipedia isn't responsible for that, it would be encyclopedically correct to have a pronouncing thing there.
- "The origins of the name Borobudur are unclear, although this is not uncommon as the original name of most candi is no longer known. Furthermore, often even the local people did not know of the existence of a candi." Get a citation for each line. That is, the "Boroburdur's name unclear," the " candi name unclear," and the "villagers unaware" one.
- "Raffles wrote about the existence..." You just used his name, and Wikipedia, as de facto policy, has avoided addressing people by their last names. So say "He wrote about the existence..."
- Get a citation for the last hypothesis in Etymology.
- There's a lot of red links. I'm not sure what one should do with them.
Drop a line when you're ready for more.Evan(Salad dressing is the milk of the infidel!) 12:55, 27 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply, thank you Evan, for your very thorough review. I was a bit skeptic that WP:PR has a good review like this. Some of your suggestions have been updated, particularly the citation requests. For the red links, I'll try to create stubs about them. About Wikipedia has a de facto policy to avoid addressing people by their last names. I didn't know about that. Could you please point to me the policy? Thanks. — Indon (reply) — 19:45, 27 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "Response, Actually, sorting through Wikipedia policy, it appears that you are correct. I just thought that your usage of the last name broke up flow. That's for me, and Wikipedia house rules actually support the fact that one should use last names. Evan(Salad dressing is the milk of the infidel!) 21:36, 29 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Comment.
- I've only read bits of it so far, but it looks like a great article. Will read in full later.
- There are some references to the monument originally being covered with white plaster over the rocks and then painted - see [1], [2], & this book [3]. Worth including, if it isn't a myth.
- I wonder if there are some historical photos available somewhere (out of copyright or otherwise) showing Borobudur in a shambles before it was restored? This would be a great comparison against the modern photos.