Steve Altes

Steve Altes is an American writer and former aerospace engineer. He is best known for getting hired into unusual occupations and writing humorous essays about his misfortunes.^[1]

Steve Altes
Born	November 13, 1962 (age 61) Syracuse, New York
Nationality	United States
Education	S.B. (Aeronautics and Astronautics), S.M. (Aeronautics and Astronautics), S.M. (Technology and Policy)
Alma mater	Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Occupation(s)	writer, graphic novelist, engineer
Known for	humorous adventure essays, Geeks & Greeks
Spouse	Diana Jellinek
Awards	National Medal of Technology
Website	www.stevealtes.com

Altes was born on November 13, 1962 in Syracuse, NY. He graduated as valedictorian from Fayetteville-Manlius High School in Manlius, NY in 1980.^[2] In high school, although his time in the mile "impressed no one," Altes once ran a track meet in full clown make-up.^[1] In 2000 when Altes was inducted into the Fayetteville-Manlius Hall of Distinction as one of the high school's "notable alumni" he acknowledged the dichotomy in his career segue from engineering to entertainment, saying,

I owe a tremendous debt to those dedicated teachers for the serious half of my career. For the silly half, I’d like to thank all the class clowns.^[3]

Altes holds three degrees from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology -- S.B., Aeronautics and Astronautics, 1984; S.M., Aeronautics and Astronautics, 1986; and S.M., Technology and Policy, 1986.^[4] In 1982 Altes was part of an MIT team that set a world land-speed record for a human-powered vehicle with a five-person, forty-foot-long "bicycle."^[1] His master's thesis was titled, "The Aerospace Plane: Technological Feasibility and Policy Implications."^[5] Altes's thesis became the only college thesis ever reviewed by The New York Review of Books when James Fallows reviewed it in the December 18, 1986 edition.^[6]

After college, Altes worked as a space policy analyst for the now-defunct Congressional Office of Technology Assessment.^[1] He left Capitol Hill for a position as Program Control Manager for the Pegasus air-launched space booster at Orbital Sciences Corporation. In 1991 Altes was part of the Orbital Sciences team that was awarded the National Medal of Technology (the nation's highest award for engineering achievement) by President George H. W. Bush for developing Pegasus.^{[7] [8]} He is also a co-recipient of the 1990 Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum Trophy for Current Achievement in Aerospace.^[9]

Due to his varied accomplishments in the fields of engineering and entertainment, Altes is sometimes listed as one of MIT's more "notable alumni."^{[10] [11] [12] [13]}

In the mid-1990s Altes left engineering for a career in entertainment and writing. Among other things, he has been:

• a writer of humorous first-person participatory adventure essays for magazines and newspapers, such as Salon,^[14] The Washington Post,^[15] the Los Angeles Times,^[16] The Christian Science Monitor,^[17] Capital Style,^[18] Urban Male Magazine,^[19] Funny Times,^[20] P.O.V.,^[21] and Penthouse.^[22]
• an author of humor books^[23]
• a graphic novelist
• a screenwriter^[24]
• a commentator for NPR's All Things Considered^[25]
• a member of Us Weekly's Fashion Police^[26]
• an actor in TV commercials, TV shows, and films^[27]
• a stunt driver in the film Spy Game^[28]
• a commercial print model^[29]
• a corporate comedian^[30]
• a game show contestant

Books

In 1997 Altes's The Little Book of Bad Business Advice was published. Said one reviewer (referring to the creator of Dilbert), "I was expecting something fresh — all I got was the scraps Scott Adams threw out," while another reviewer termed it "a pointed, profoundly revealing work that goes to the heart of rage and isolation in the American workplace. The hapless inanities of Dilbert make us feel safe in submitting to the numbing inevitabilities of corporate fascism. Bad Business Advice is a more dangerously honest book. In Mr. Altes's litany of gleefully contemplated sabotage we are instead forced to imagine, recognize, and confront ourselves in our real workplace fantasies."^[31]

In 2001 Altes wrote a sequel to The Little Book of Bad Business Advice titled If You Jam the Copier, Bolt. Referring to the timing of its publication coinciding with the 9/11 attacks Altes said:

My second book hit the shelves in a huge blaze of no publicity on Monday, September 10, 2001. If the world cared at all about it on Monday, it sure as hell didn't by Tuesday. I know I didn't.^[32]

In 2005 Altes was a contributor to Michael J. Rosen's May Contain Nuts: A Very Loose Canon of American Humor anthology. His piece satirized his career as a male model.^[33]

In 2006 humor editor Judy Brown selected twenty of Altes's jokes to appear in her anthology Joke Express: Instant Delivery of 1,424 Funny Bits from the Best Comedians. Altes had this to say about being included in the book:

Joke Express collects 1,424 hysterical musings from America's top comedians, including David Letterman, Jerry Seinfeld, Bill Maher, Conan O'Brien, Mitch Hedberg, and Chris Rock. Somehow I managed to weasel my way in, too.^[34]

In 2014 Altes ran a Kickstarter^[35] campaign which raised $43,098 to finance the illustration of a graphic novel he wrote about hacks at MIT titled Geeks & Greeks.^[36] At MIT a hack is a clever, humorous, technically sophisticated prank, and has nothing to do with computer hacking.^[37] Altes says the story was inspired by actual MIT hacks and incidents he experienced as an MIT student and fraternity resident.^{[38] [39]} The graphic novel is being illustrated by Andy Fish.^[40] Geeks & Greeks is expected to be published in the fall of 2015.^[41]

• 2015 - Geeks & Greeks, (written by Steve Altes, illustrated by Andy Fish) Relentless Goat Productions
• 2006 - Joke Express: Instant Delivery of 1,424 Funny Bits from the Best Comedians, (contributor) Andrews McMeel Publishing
• 2005 - May Contain Nuts: A Very Loose Canon of American Humor, (contributor) Harper Paperbacks
• 2001 - If You Jam the Copier, Bolt, Andrews McMeel Publishing
• 1997 - The Little Book of Bad Business Advice, St. Martin's Press

Film appearances

Altes has appeared in a number of films and television shows after being accidentally "discovered" and cast as a German terrorist in Die Hard With a Vengeance in 1995.^{[1] [27] [42]} Altes has a Bacon number of 1, having appeared in Hollow Man.^[43]

TV appearances

Print modeling

Altes has worked as a commercial print model and hand model.^{[46] [47] [48]} In 1998 Altes was hired to be the face on the box of Just for Men Natural Sandy Blond haircolor.^[49] Altes joked about his unlikely success in the field of modeling:

Modeling never seemed like much of a possibility. I wasn't a good-looking kid. When my parents saw my fourth grade photo, they threw away the picture and kept the negative. Are you old enough to even remember negatives? No? Great... now I'm hideous and ancient.^[46]

• 1991 - National Medal of Technology (co-recipient)
• 1990 - National Air and Space Museum Trophy for Current Achievement in Aerospace (co-recipient)

Altes lives in the Los Angeles area and is married to acting coach Diana Jellinek.^[50]

• Steve Altes - Speaker, Humorist, Mammal
• Steve Altes at IMDb
• Steve Altes - LinkedIn profile

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