Wikipedia:Peer review/4X/archive1 - Wikipedia


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This article recently passed its GA review with flying colors. All along, I've hoped this article would reach FA status and had a feeling that this would be much harder to reach. The research here is solid, and the content is thorough. But "brilliant prose" isn't my strength. I would appreciate advise on how to reword different parts of this article to reach FA status. I know this may be selfish, but I'd like this to be a learning experience for me just as much as a chance to improve the article. Thanks in advance. Randomran (talk) 20:04, 11 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Guyinblack25

edit

I'm pretty bad at doing reviews in one sitting, so please bear with my disjointed review. I do plan on doing a full review as I think it's about time something this went to FAC. Here are some things that stood out to me, feel free to modify them as you think is needed.

The lead
  • Caption: Maybe try this.

    "Civilization II,

    is

    a prototypical example of a 4X strategy game

    .

    "

  • This sentence seem out of place compared to the rest of the paragraph. I'm not entirely sure when it can go though, maybe at the end of the third paragraph. "One well-known 4X game is Sid Meier's Civilization..."
  • Missing comma:

    "...strong emphasis on economic and technological development, as well as a range of non-military routes..."

  • Give some context to the non-gamer.

    "This can cause 4X games to take longer play/complete (take your pick) than other strategy games, often requiring more than one playing session."

  • Minor tweak, may still need some rewording:

    "4X games are sometimes criticized for becoming tedious

    by

    near the end of the game."

  • Split up and reword to improve flow:

    "Around the mid-1990s many 4X games were published, but in the late 1990s the real-time strategy genre outsold them, and for a few years publishers regarded 4X games as commercially risky"

    Try this:

    The 4X genre saw an increase in published game in the mid-1990s, but were outsold by the real-time strategy genre in the late 1990s. The decline caused publishers to view 4X games as commercially risky.

Definition
  • I would list the magazine the 1993 preview appeared in.
  • Shorten; excess detail doesn't really help the reader understand it any better:

    "...because players must make large investments in research

    in order

    to

    colonize

    explore and expand into every

    type of planet

    area."

Difficulties in definition
  • I would combine the three shorter paragraphs at the end into one large paragraph since they are all related to how different sources see the genre.
  • "Various" doesn't really add much to the idea of the sentence. Also what are these authorities an authority of?"
    Various

    Gaming authorities have stated that 4X games are..."

  • "A few sources" doesn't sound too professional to me: Try this.

    "

    A few sources

    Several gaming websites have suggested that true 4X games must..."

  • Same thing here:

    "Others

    sources

    state that 4X games involve greater complexity and scale than other strategy games.

    A few r

    Reviewers support this view, noting that 4X games are well known for their large detailed empires and complex gameplay.

    A few s

    Sources distinguish 4X games by their "complex uses of..."

The fifth X: eXperience
  • Tweak to improve flow:

    "In 2002,

    with

    the pending release of Master of Orion III

    , there were

    sparked claims that

    this

    it would be the first '5X game'"

  • I believe a semicolon should be used instead of a colon:

    "Master of Orion III received mixed comments from reviewers and players

    :

    ; a few liked the experience..."

  • "unrest or revolt" or "unrest and revolt"?
Gameplay
  • Minor tweak, just sounds better to me:

    "The gameplay involves

    constructing

    building an empire..."

Research and technology
  • Caption, tweak to maybe sound more objective:

    Note the

    complex

    multiple branching paths between technologies.

  • I think a semicolon or emdash would work better here. But that's just me:

    "4X games typically feature a technology tree

    ,

    ; a series of advancements..."

  • Longer doesn't seem like the right adjective here, but I haven't played to many 4X games:

    "Technology trees in 4X games are typically

    longer

    larger than in other strategy games..."

  • This looks like complex wording that could be more concise:

    "

    It is therefore sometimes necessary to

    This can first require the research of several civilian technologies

    first in order

    to build a more productive economy."

  • Trimming redundancy:

    "

    Another reason why r

    Research is

    especially

    important in 4X games is because battles are often won by superior military technology or greater numbers, rather than by

    ingenious

    tactics."

  • More trimming:

    "...allow players to improve their technology by building

    certain

    structures which grant access to more advanced..."

  • More trimming:

    "Typically, empires must generate research resources,

    which are

    to

    be

    invest

    ed

    in

    a

    new technology."

  • More trimming:

    "However, methods of providing resources for research vary

    from one

    by 4X game

    to another

    ."

  • The sentence structure seems off and I think it makes it hard to convey the idea.

    "In some games no buildings are needed at all, in some cases research productivity increases greatly if the right buildings are present, and in others research can only be done if research-oriented buildings are present.

    Try this:

    "Some games do not require buildings, while others require research-oriented buildings to either allow or increase research productivity."

Combat
  • Trimming redundancy:

    "Combat is an

    highly

    important part of 4X gameplay, because 4X games..."

  • More trimming:

    "...control over battles, victory is usually determined by superior numbers and technology rather than by

    ingenious

    tactics."

  • Tweaking, but I'm not too certain about this one:

    "Researching new technology will grant access to new combat units

    .

    ;

    S

    some 4X games

    go so far as

    even

    offer the ability to

    allow the research of different unit components."

Peaceful competition
  • Trimming, the "an" is distributed by the "or":

    "...diplomatic relations are restricted to a binary choice between an ally or

    an

    enemy."

  • Reword:

    "Aside from making allies and enemies,

    this includes the ability

    players are also able to trade resources and information with rivals

    players

    ."

  • Unneeded comma—The two parts are related ideas. It might flow better to combine these two sentences:

    "For example, some 4X games offer victory to a player who achieves a certain score

    ,

    or the highest score after a certain number of turns

    .

    , while

    M

    many

    4X games

    award victory to an empire that makes its culture predominant over their rivals."

  • Minor trimming:

    "Other

    games

    offer victory to the first player to complete an awe-inspiring..."

  • I would combine these two sentences together also:

    "Several 4X games award

    "diplomatic

    victory

    "

    to

    anyone who

    whoever can win an election decided by their rival players

    . The Space Empires series awards victory to someone who keeps the galaxy at

    , or maintain peace for a specified number of turns."

  • This sentence seems redundant to me, especially with the first sentence of the paragraph. "With these victory conditions, players can sometimes win a 4X game without engaging in extermination."
Complexity
  • Tweak to give the reader some more content and help flow into the next sentence about graphics:

    "4X games are known for

    their

    complex

    ity

    gameplay, as well as

    their

    strategic depth."

  • Combine the two sentences:

    "Whereas other strategy games focus on combat, 4X games also offer more detailed control over diplomacy, economics, and research

    . This

    ; creat

    es

    ing opportunities for diverse

    economic and diplomatic

    strategies."

  • Tweak the last part:

    "This also challenges the player to manage several strategies simultaneously, and plan for

    the

    long-term objectives."

  • The second paragraph names a lot of games as examples. I would remove the game titles and stick to generalized ideas.
  • Tweak two sentences for redundancy and flow:

    "

    In order t

    To experience a detailed model of a large empire, 4X games are designed with a complex set of game rules

    . F

    ; for example,

    the player's

    productivity may be limited by pollution

    , as seen in Master of Orion and Civilization II

    ."

  • More consolidating for flow:

    "4X games often model political challenges, such as civil disorder

    in Space Empires V and the Civilization series. A few 4X games include

    or a senate

    ,

    —which can penalize

    Galactic Civilizations

    players by voting their political party out of office, or force

    Civilization II players

    them to make peace."

  • This sentence seems tacked on and is redundant with the next paragraph: "Players must master the complexities of their nation's economy, technology, and government in order to overcome these challenges."
  • Tweak:

    "Such complexity

    means that

    requires players

    must

    to manage a larger amount of information than other strategy games."

  • More consolidating:

    "Game designers often organize empire management into different interface screens and modes

    . Many 4X games have a

    ; for example, separate screens for diplomacy,

    for

    managing

    each colony

    individual areas,

    or

    and

    for

    managing battle tactics."

  • Tweak:

    "Some

    times a

    systems

    becomes

    are intricate enough to resemble

    a

    minigames."

  • The word detailed seems out of place, but that's just me. If it stays in you need a comma between "large" and "detailed":

    "Since 4X games involve managing a large

    detailed

    empire..."

  • Tweak:

    "Single player games may

    take

    last multiple sessions

    over

    spanning multiple days..."

  • I would wikilink "beer-and-pretzels" to Beer and pretzels game.
  • Tweak and missing comma:

    "In

    the

    early stages of a game, this is not

    necessarily

    always a problem..."

  • Minor trimming:

    "...but players

    have

    criticized these governors for making bad decisions."

  • The last part of the last paragraph is missing some sentence to segue from developer efforts to the efforts' reception. Try this: "Such approaches have been generally well received, though some more than others."
  • Why was Master of Orion III's reception mixed? The sentence doesn't provide much info and is not a good way to end a section. No need for a lot of detail, but at least mention what the approach was.
Origin
  • Minor tweaking, just sounds better to me:

    "

    The first

    Early 4X games were influenced by..."

  • This sentence sounds off to me, mainly the underlined part, and I'm not sure how to reword it or what is meant to be conveyed. "...Reach for the Stars began to represent the relationship between economic growth, technological progress, and conquest."
  • Minor tweaking, I don't think "By" is the appropriate word:

    "

    By

    In 1990, Sid Meier released Civilization..."

  • The third paragraph seems a bit out of place as it is. I would consider combining it and the second one together since they both discuss influential titles.
  • In the last paragraph, I would link "Star Trek games" as "Star Trek games".
  • Grammar tweak:

    "This game is considered a classic for its elegant

    but

    , yet deep game design

    , and

    ; future 4X games would be compared to the standard it set."

Peak
  • "But" is a weasel word in this case:

    "B

    ut

    y the late 1990s, real-time strategy genre began outselling turn-based games

    by the late 1990s

    ."

  • Minor trimming:

    "

    And d

    Despite

    the

    excitement over Master of Orion III, its..."

  • I think "release" or "develop" is more appropriate here, but that's just me.

    "Game publishers eventually became risk-averse to

    building

    releasing 4X games."

Recent history
  • The paragraphs seem a bit short and choppy. I would consolidate them some. Like adding the last single sentence paragraph to the previous one. Not sure what
  • Unneeded comma:

    "...such as Imperium Galactica in 1997

    ,

    and Starships Unlimited in 2001."

  • In the first paragraph about Sins of a Solar Empire, was the gameplay the reason for it earning awards or the marketing of the gameplay? Can you clarify this some?

That's all I have time for right now. I'll try to do more sections later. (Guyinblack25 talk 21:21, 11 July 2008 (UTC))[reply]

There's part two. Once again, sorry for the disjointed review.(Guyinblack25 talk 15:33, 12 July 2008 (UTC))[reply]
Part three—sorry again. I should get to the "History" section sometime this weekend. (Guyinblack25 talk 21:21, 18 July 2008 (UTC))[reply]
And done. Sorry for the disjointed review over the span of two weeks. I hope it helps. (Guyinblack25 talk 18:44, 24 July 2008 (UTC))[reply]
  • Thanks a million. This is by far one of the most helpful peer reviews I have ever seen. I appreciate the time you put into it. I incorporated virtually all the suggestions. Randomran (talk) 03:31, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Mika1h (talk · contribs)

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

  • You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC.
Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 12:25, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
I know you might not check back in, but I finally undertook the task of improving the references. Some truly unreliable information was removed. But in other cases, information could be supported by other more reliable references, and the article looks stronger for it. There are still a few references from Rock Paper Shotgun and Game Zone, but they are considered reliable sources according to Wikipedia:VG/RS. I still tried to minimize these, and I think they would even be considered a decent exception to WP:SPS since a few of them are interviews with the makers of the games, who are being quoted for authoritative information about their area of expertise (the games they made). Randomran (talk) 00:30, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]