Ed, Edd n Eddy (season 3)

The following is a list of quotes from the third season of Ed, Edd, n Eddy.

Wish You Were Ed

[Ed falls into a hole Rolf has dug]

Rolf: [to Eddy] Your village idiot has fallen in Rolf's hole. A celebration, I say!

Eddy: Eh, sure, why not?

Rolf: [lamenting over his home country] I grow tired of this...cold cement, [the camera zooms over to the overhead power lines] this...twisted steel of industry, [then over to a playground] this confusing leisure delights, [and then over to Ed, who is still stuck through the mailbox] and your ill-at-ease customs! [Ed spits out some mail]

Momma's Little Ed

Eddy: See? This is Mommy's note, and my exact copy. Pretty good, huh? He'll never tell the difference!

Ed: That is so lame, Eddy.

Eddy: And you're like a human photocopier, right, Mr. Perfecto?

Ed: Dare to compare! [Shows Eddy an identical sticky note to the one written by Edd's parents.]

Eddy: Will you ever cease to amaze me, Ed?

Ed: Yes, I will.

Edd: IT'S THE STICKY NOTES OF THE APOCALYPSE! I can't go on! There's only one solution; I'll just move in with one of you.

[Ed smiles at this, while Eddy looks shocked.]

Ed: Move in with me! Move in with me!

Eddy: Yeah, Lumpy could use some company.

Ed: We can be like brothers and share the same bathroom!

Once Upon An Ed

Jonny: Hey! How'd you guys get inside my wall?! [to Plank] What's that? Plank says take a hike or we'll call the cops.

Eddy: Hey, Plank! Ever took a tour of a toothpick factory?!

Edd: [to Eddy] Eddy, manners!

Eddy: I have a bad feeling about this.

Ed: I don't have any feeling at all.

For Your Ed Only

Jonny: Wow. China, just like in the cartoons!

Ed: Sarah! We are so doomed! Help me, guys! She'll tell Mom and Mom'll tell Dad and he'll say "not now, I just got home from work"!

Edd: Once again, our day ends with the three of us....

Eddy: Stuck together in some nutty way, but wait. We have a guest tonight.

Ed: I like the way Jonny's stuck

Jonny: Boy, Plank, how the heck did we ever end up here? If you weren't so scared of turning into chopsticks, we'd still be in China!

Eddy: Could somebody scrape this guy off my shoe, please?

It Came From Outer Ed

[Edd drops Mr. Yum-Yum on the 'Q']

Ed: Nice job, Double D. It looks just like a 'Q'.

Edd: Excuse me?! Ed, I think somewhere on the line you've lost your "train of thought!" Your plan is irrational, muddled, and inconsequential! [Ed munches on a dog biscuit] Is that a doggie treat?

Ed: [mouthful] What's the rock for, Double D?

Edd: [drops the rock on his foot] MY FOOT!

Jonny: Let's tickle them till they wet their pants!

Eddy: Well, let's not jump to anything rash!

Ed: Fools! Evil Tim has beckoned you all! For you will all pay with your brains!

Eddy: Brains?! What're we gonna do with brains?

3 Squares And An Ed

Eddy: How does it feel to be back on outside, Ed!

Ed: OUTSIDE ED? But I am grounded, Eddy!

Eddy: What happened to the stairs?!

Ed: My parents took them down because I am grounded!

Edd: That's disturbing.

Dueling Eds

Eddy: What could be more important than "Master Eddy"?

Ed: COOKIE DOUGH!

Edd: They say in order to gain knowledge, one must seek it.

Eddy: [sarcastically] Oh, boo hoo! I hurt Rolf's stupid fish ball!

Edd: It's not the fish ball, Eddy! You hurt Rolf's feelings!

Eddy: I didn't do anything!

Dim Lit Ed

[Jonny's head is stuck between two branches]

Edd: Jonny, not again!

Jonny: Yep, this happens to me a lot, Double D.

Edd: Didn't you learn from your past mistakes? I mean, it's just common sense.

Jonny: [long pause] I guess not! [giggles]

Kevin: Is this thing supposed to be dead?

Eddy: The iguana ain't dead, windbag. It's just, uhh... [nudges Edd]

Edd: ...Sleeping like a baby, Kevin. That'll be 25 cents!

Jonny [lays down a quarter]: SOLD!

Edd [stares at the quarter]: I'm surrounded by idiots.

Eddy: Who's complaining?

Will Work for Ed

Eddy: Rolf's a jerk! Ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk! Ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk-

Jonny: We hate broccoli!

Eddy: ...Ain't gonna work!

[Rolf shows up with a goat on his shoulders.]

Rolf: Tell Rolf the progress of the laborers, Turkey Eyes.

[He points to Edd, who has a clean and tidy work station.]

Ed: Well, yeah. Let's see here, boss. This guy I got no problems with.

Edd: "Double D waiting for orders, Turkey Eyes, sir."

[Ed points at Eddy, who has a dirty work station and is attempting to take the chicken's temperature.]

Ed: But then there's the sad-sack, boss. A real slowpoke, trouble with a capital 'R'.

[Eddy kicks the chicken coop in frustration and a rooster comes out and chases him.]

Eddy: Help! I hate chickens!

Ed & Rolf: [in unison] HEY, NINCOMPOOP!

[Both look at each other, surprised.]

Rolf: [patting Ed on the head] You've learned well, Turkey Eyes.

[Rolf leaves as Eddy continues being chased by the rooster.]

Eddy: Stop the chicken, Ed!

Ed: Nincompoop! I'm deducting your pay 'cause you're a nincompoop! Pretty good, huh, Double D?

Ed, Ed and Away

[Eddy is fighting Sarah and Jimmy over the balloon]

Eddy: Gimme that balloon, Sarah!

Sarah: [Mocking Eddy] "Gimme, Gimme" never gets!

Kevin: I'll get you, dork! After I find some ointment! Ouch!

Eddy: What's with that? I did everything my dad does! How come he sells stuff? Maybe it's the tie!

Edd: Well it certainly couldn't be the fact we manufactured the biker from HAND-ME-DOWN KITCHENWARE! TEN HOURS OF HARD WORK! AND FOR WHAT?

Ed: To fleece the masses!

Eddy: Check's in the mail, Ed.

X Marks the Ed

Eddy: [high pitched voice] WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HEAD?!

Ed: It is so puny!

Edd: This is worthy of a noble prize!

Eddy: WHAT'D YA DO ME, YOU QUACK?!

Rolf: Quack? I am Rolf.

Eddy: YOU'RE A QUACK! QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!

Rolf: I am not a duck. I am Rolf.

Edd: How did you know what ingredients would react in such a way as to come to this conclusion?

Rolf: What?

Ed: My turn for shrinkage, Rolf!

Eddy: FIX ME!!

Edd: Tell me!

Ed: Shrink me!

Rolf: Stay back! [makes a run for it]

Eddy: GET HIM! [chasing Rolf] WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! FIX MY HEAD, YA QUACK!

Ed: He's strong! [laughs as they continue to chase Rolf]

From Here to Ed

Edd: Where did you exhume this from, Ed?

Ed: Brick-a-brack from right under my bed, Double D.

Edd: Ed, Eddy's overzealous attempts to reform this erroneous altercation is destined to fail.

[None of this registers with Ed at all.]

Ed: Napkin please.

Edd: I should've known better.

Ed or Tails

[Eddy is attempting to sell his clown scam to Jimmy]

Eddy: Are you un- unconshi... (shows the word to Edd)

Edd: Unconcious, Eddy.

Eddy: Dead from the neck up?

Ed: Could you pull my finger, Rolf?

Rolf: No. [Ed cries]

Boys Will Be Eds

Kevin [in thought]: She's so radical!

Eddy [in thought]: She can't keep her eyes off me!

Edd [in thought]: Her hair is so clean... And not fly-away at all!

Ed [thinking and echoing]: Hello? Echo! MY NAME IS ED!

Eddy Nazz would love a new bike.

Ed Or a new toilet?!

Gimme Gimme Never Ed

Edd: That's it, Jimmy. Distribute your weight. Balance.

Jimmy: That tickles!

Edd: Yes! And now try standing.

Jimmy: Don't let me fall!

[Jimmy eventually manages to stand up on the wooden board inside Edd's pool.]

Jimmy: Hot diggety dog! I'm surfing!

Eddy: Not quite there, mini-kahuna, but if you're brave enough, we at Ed's Surf School will teach you how to flip the lip, hang ten, or shave the barrel, for an additional fee, of course. [He opens a soda.]] Can you handle it?

Jimmy: I'm stoked! Teach me! Teach me! [He starts to lose balance.] AH! Don't let go! Don't let go!

Edd: I wouldn't think of it, Jimmy!

Jonny: Too bad! Plank was just aching to try a new ride! [He laughs.]] One time Plank went on a roller coaster 119 times in a row. Whew! I chucked biscuits after that, didn't I, buddy? Why, Plank spent his whole allowance that day; a regular Rockefeller.

Eddy: Plank gets an allowance?! Have I got a ride for you!

[He grabs Plank and tosses him in he air.]

Jonny: Plank?

Eddy: Nice ride, huh, Plank? That'll be 25 cents!

Jonny: Plank says you throw like a toothpick, Eddy! He won't pay for kiddie rides!

Eddy: Well, you tell that doorstop Eddy's got a ride that will round his corners! And it's cheap, cheap, cheap!

Jonny: Plank says your mouth runs faster than six-month-old cheese, Eddy!

Eddy: I'll take that as a yes!

'Edd: I object! My skin is still prune from that surf school fiasco!

Eddy: Ed, who are we to deny Plank the thrill of a lifetime? Let's get to work. [He hands Plank to Ed.] Who says money can't buy happiness?

Ed: [to Plank] Hello! My name is Ed!

My Fair Ed

Ed: Broccoli bad for Ed!

[Forcefully brushing Kevin's teeth.]

Ed: Up and down! Up and down! Up and down! Up and down!

Kevin: Hey, Double D! Come here! I've got something for ya.

Edd: Have mercy!!!!

Rock-A-Bye Ed

Ed: I was in my happy place lost in the void of my mind!

Ed: DONT TAKE MY MOUTH

Edd: Ed, wouldn't it be fun if we had some company?

Ed: You bet! Do you think they will like peanut butter?

O-Ed 11

Edd: Not that is out of place in this den of dishevelment, but why is there a vehicle sitting in your brother's bedroom?

Eddy: He keeps his snake in the trunk. [opens the trunk and there's nothing but junk inside] Huh. The little weasel must have escaped again.

Edd: [terrified] Escaped?! Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh- [runs into a stuffed camel]

Eddy: HEY, WATCH THE CAMEL! I said, "no touching!"

Ed: [walking by in the background whilst tied to the chair] Wow, I wish I had a room like this!

[The Eds are hiding under the Kanker's trailer]

Edd: This is becoming extremely dangerous, Eddy!

Eddy: Let's get the stash and get out of here.

Ed: Is that you tickling me, Eddy?

The Luck of the Ed

Ed: I was walking on the sidewalk until I saw a bug. Hello bug. I walked up to this tree and hit my head on this branch. Ow! Sorry, it was this one. Ow! And I gazed at the stars... [Ed gazes at the stars]

Edd: Ed, please don't do that.

Eddy: C'mon, we're wasting time. Where'd you hide the magazines, Ed?

Ed: Here we go; a rubber chicken. [He pulls one out of his jacket, tosses it away, and runs down the street.] Hide the box, hide the box I said. [He slips on the chicken.] But then I tripped! Hanging on to my pal's box of magazines, for dear life, I fell. [He falls and slides down the street.] And slid into a sewer.

Eddy: A SEWER!?! [sticks his head into the sewer] My magazines are in the sewer?!

[Edd is looking at germs through Ed's face with a microscope]

Edd: Ed, there's a new invention called soap; have you heard of it?

Ed… Pass It On…

[Edd puts up a banner on Eddy's garage that reads: "WELCOME HOME, BRO" while Ed holds him up]

Edd: Careful, Ed.

Eddy: The kids'll be eating out of my hands in no time.

Edd: Speak of hands, Eddy, you might wanna break away from condition and actually lend a hand here. [loses balance]

Eddy: No problem, Double D. [Clapping]

[Ed toots a party horn and Edd clings onto the garage. Kevin arrives]

Kevin: What's with the balloons, you dorks getting married - to each other? [laughs]

Eddy: Read the sign, giggles. My brother's coming home today.

Kevin: No way!

Ed: [toots the party horn] And it works for him! [Edd slips his hand off the garage and falls]

Brother, Can You Spare an Ed

Ed: Sarah has trusted me with the money, so fudge I must buy it with!

The Day the Ed Stood Still

Rolf: Please ask Rolf's family and livestock to remember the son of a shepherd.

Edd: What have I done?! I've actually created a monster!

If It Smells Like an Ed

Jimmy: [singing] When you stub your toe and it hurts you know…

The Kids: [singing] ...Friends are there to help you.
When you trip on your face and your teeth are misplaced, friends are there to help you.
When you're flying low and you're giving a show, friends are there to help you.
When you take off your shoe and your feet stink PEE-YEW, friends are there to help you.

[As the verse closes, a smile spreads across Kevin's face.]

Jimmy: Second verse, same as the first! [singing] When you stub your toe and it hurts you know…

The Kids: [singing] ...Friends are there to help you.
When you trip on your face and your teeth are misplaced, friends are there to help you.
When you're flying low and you're giving a show, friends are there to help you.
When you take off your shoe and your feet stink PEE-YEW, friends are there to help you.

Don't Rain on My Ed

Jonny: Plank wants to know if he can live on Mars!

Edd: There's a moral in this somewhere.

Ed: Yup, two chickens are better than one!

Eddy: Jonny!!!!

Once Bitten, Twice Ed

Eddy: Approach me, mortal, for I am the great Baron O'Beef-Dip!